This is another edit to the previz with new shots added into it and it has also been edited with sound effects.
This line of the poem is still in need of adjustments because of its weird composition.
"And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells"
Hi Ayunie, just a few comments etc.
ReplyDeleteI don't like the 'BIG' scream coming from the ant as the bum lowers towards him - it's a bit too horrific somehow - it's not a comedy sound.
The 'learn to spit' scene drags on - we're sort of left looking at your character as she's drooling. Doesn't this need to be a more physical moment - so she actually spits something and maybe we hear a sound of it hitting something for comic effect, something like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N73vKf5T82s
As she crosses the road wearing her terrible shirts, it would be better if she actually stopped the traffic and if she wasn't tiptoeing: basically she's jay-walking, showing off, thinking she looks fabulous, literally 'stopping the traffic'. It would make more sense if she's looking pleased with herself and a bit sassy in this moment.
I just don't like the scene when the 'rent' notice lands in her face and we hear a scream (not a swear word). The animation in this scene is too basic-seeming (the fluttering of the leaflet, for example) and it just takes too long for anything to happen. It takes too long to cover her face and she takes too long to react etc. It feels very wooden. You could cut back instead to the scene when she was holding up the traffic, as if swearing at someone in one of the cars unhappy that she's holding up the traffic... you could consider using the beeping effect:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUtrgaJETkw
The little girl could still being seen to react to this - but you could cut the whole bit when the woman pats her on the head etc - just show the little girl looking shocked when we hear the line 'and set a good example for the children'...
Hi Phil,
DeleteThanks for the pointers. I will work on it :)